Saturday, December 31, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #121

Good morning everyone...

This will be the last entry for 2011. I believe we should all take a moment to reflect on 2011 and be grateful for the blessings we received. There are many families out there that lost a member in the wars. There are many families out there that have had bouts with drug abuse and alcoholism. There are so many bad things that we should ALL look at the GOOD and be thankful. Perhaps 2012 will be the year that AMERICA returns to HER place as a leader of nations. Let AMERICA's people clearly state that they will no longer tolerate the STATUS QUO and require this NATIONS leaders to correct the intolerable conditions that have been inflicted upon the working class.

There are many issues at hand that must be addressed and corrected. Perhaps, what should be said is that we should simply FOLLOW THE RULES. Should you commit a crime then justice should be swift and it should be handed out. Should you be here as an undocumented alien then you should be returned and forced to follow the process for legal entry. EBT,WIC,WELFARE,UNEMPLOYMENT COMPENSATION are not a way of life...These are measures put in place to temporarily assist you in maintaining your standard of living when there is a crisis in your life.

I could go on, but I will not. This country is the greatest on Earth...I do however have one other issue....

When you are in prison and do not comply with the orders of the Correction Officers, why do they do a cell extraction? When the prisoner gets hungry enough he will clean the poop off of the walls and then will comply with the orders...there is no need to send the Officers into harms way.

Happy New Year

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

Peter, at a New Year's party, turns to his friend, Ken, and asks for a cigarette.

'I thought you made a New Year's resolution to quit smoking,' Ken responds. 'I'm in the process of quitting,' replies Peter with a grin. 'Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.'

'Phase one?' wonders Ken.

'Yeah,' replied Peter, 'I've quit buying.'

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #120

Good morning everyone...

I suppose this is the Christmas Blog. Merry Christmas to Everyone...even those of you I don't like...:)

Vacation planning has begun. The days are already scheduled....now the plans are being developed as to where. Garden City, SC is one of the top lines on the list. I LOVE the area there. A couple of Florida destinations are also being considered. I am also pretty sure a quick trip to Lake Eerie will take place.

OK...enough...MERRY CHRISTMAS to all.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

"Nice dog. What's its name?" I asked my friend's 10-year old son.

"Bob," he said.

"And what's your cat's name?"

"Bob."

"Well, how do you keep them straight?" I asked.

"Well, one is Bob Cat and the other is Bob Barker," the boy answered.

"Go ahead and tell him your rabbit's name," his father suggested.

The kid smiled and said... "Dennis Hopper."


Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #119

Good morning everyone...

It's Saturday and Christmas is almost here. YEEHAW!!! This morning I awoke to the aroma of coffee. I was not the first one up. Of course, that means I didn't have to help feed the cats. The company is good, except she keeps laughing at my typing skills...:~

Today, we start the Christmas parties. I believe we are eating at Jackie's sister's house. Everyone knows I never pass up a free meal.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

An old man goes to a diner every day for lunch. He always orders the soup du jour. One day the manager asks him how he liked his meal. The old man replies, in a thick acccent, "Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread."

So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him four slices of bread. "How was your meal, sir?" the manager asks. "Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread," comes the reply.

So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him eight slices of bread. "How was your meal today, sir?" the manager asks. "Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread," comes the reply.

So ... the next day the manager tells the waitress to give him a whole loaf of bread with his soup. "How was your meal, sir?" the manager asks, when he comes to pay. "Wass goot, but you could give just a little more bread," comes the reply once again.

The manager is now obsessed with seeing this customer say that he is satisfied with his meal, so he goes to the bakery, and orders a six-foot-long loaf of bread. When the man comes in as usual the next day, the waitress and the manager cut the loaf in half, butter the entire length of each half, and lay it out along the counter, right next to his bowl of soup. The old man sits down, and devours both his bowl of soup, and both halves of the six-foot-long loaf of bread.

The manager now thinks he will get the answer he is looking for, and when the old man comes up to pay for his meal, the manager asks in the usual way: "How was your meal TODAY, sir?"

The old man replies: "It wass goot as usual, but I see you are back to giving only two slices of bread."


Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #118

Good morning everyone...

Christmas is upon us. I just want everyone to know...I only have one more present to pick up and I am done.

The coffee and company (as usual) is good. I am sure that this will be a fantastic weekend. I believe that there are some weekend plans in place. I think a quick road trip is happening...I look forward to it.

Since this is supposed to be a reflection. I was hoping I could get everyone to stop and reflect on the actual reason for this holiday. No, I don't mean the commercialized generic version of Happy Holidays. I mean MERRY CHRISTMAS. This is for those that believe as well as those that do not or might even be unsure. This holiday is about the celebration of the birth of Jesus. I am a believer and I will attempt to be strong with my faith. God bless us all. MERRY CHRISTMAS

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

Six-year old Angie and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud.

Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."

"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #117

Good morning everyone...

Another Saturday filled with the aroma of coffee and the pitter patter of little cat feet going from food dish to litter box.

I cannot believe that there is frost on the ground...already. Where did the summer go?

Late this evening or early on Sunday the location of where the MARSHALL UNIVERSITY THUNDERING HERD will play its BOWL GAME will be released. I can hardly wait.


Here's a chuckle to start your day...

There were two buddies one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."

The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in.

The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed."

The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer says, "A Doberman Pinscher?"

He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good."

The man at the door says, "Come on in."

The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.

Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"

The man with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua??? They gave me a Chihuahua?!"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #116

Good morning everyone...

Another cold Saturday morning and here I sit with a hot cup of coffee. The company is good. I have perused the usual sites on the computer and must say that I am very PROUD of THE MARSHALL UNIVERSITY THUNDERING HERD BASKETBALL TEAM. GO HERD!!!!!

Today, the football team will again play for the chance to become BOWL ELIGIBLE. I have watched the football team (and Doc Holliday) steadily improve. I am hoping for a win this year...Next year the Herd fans will demand it. No more being the door mat of Conference USA.

There are no big plans in place for the weekend. Stay warm and find some fun things to do. Wonder what that will be?

Here's a chuckle to start your day....

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father, watching as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"

His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."

Looking worried, Johnny said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom!"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #115

Good morning everyone...

OK, Who ordered this cold weather...enough already.

Last monday I ended up with another week off work. I am going to try again to go back to work. I will have to say that a week off makes a world of difference. I don't think it will be a problem.

The smell of coffee woke me this morning, Jackie was up before me. I am not sure what the plans are for today, but I am sure that we will not be going swimming.

We do have to make a trip to Roane county. Maybe we can do that today. It looks like it might be a nice day for a drive (with the windows up and the heat on).

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.

"Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

A girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #114

Good morning everyone...

Saturday again. Monday, I actually have to go back to work...I just spent 2 weeks off after having ULNAR NERVE TRANSPOSTION SURGERY. I think it might leave a scar.

The house is filled with baby sounds this morning as Miss Haleigh is here. I bet she wouldn't be so wound up if Maw Maw would quit giving her sips of coffee. See, even the baby likes my coffee.

Maggie is here also and made brownies last night. I DID NOT give any to the baby for breakfast...:)

Travis...I know you are on the road...be safe and give me a call when you get back.


Here's a chuckle to start your day...

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times.

When he could do work at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class raised it's level of unruliness.

Finally, becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places.

Discipline was not a problem from that day forth.

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #113

Good morning everyone,

Is it really Saturday , again? Seems as if I haven't worked for a week. I know that there are several of you laughing.

Jackie and I are just hanging out and drinking coffee. I suppose we will make some plans before the weekend is over, but you never can tell. Sometimes it is nice to just hang out and do whatever.

The house is very quiet this morning...even the cats are sleeping. Josie is doing her best to get the keyboard off my lap and take its place.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

Back ten centuries ago, the Pope decided that all the Muslims had to leave Jerusalem. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Muslim community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Muslim community. If the Muslim won the debate, all the Muslims could stay. If the Pope won, all the Muslims would have to leave.

The Muslims realised that they had no choice. They looked around for a champion who could defend their faith, but no one wanted to volunteer. It was too risky. But they finally picked their representative, an old Mullah who unknowingly agreed without knowing what he was getting himself into. He agreed only on the condition that neither side be allowed to talk but communicate by miming. The pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. The Mullah and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. The Mullah looked back at him and raised his middle finger..

The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Mullah Nasruddin pointed to the ground and stamped his foot.

The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Mullah pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, 'I give up. This man is too good. The Muslims can stay.'

An hour later, the cardials were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said: "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and stamping on it, showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple, reminding me of the first sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Muslim community had crowded around the Mullah in total astonishmen. "What happened?" they asked. "Well,"said the Mullah, "First he said to me that we Muslims had three days to leave Jerusalem. I told him up yours. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Muslims. I said none of us leaving this land!"

"And then?" asked a woman.

"He took out his lunch and I took out mine," said the Mullah.


Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection # 112

Good morning everyone,

The mountainqueers have finally decided to abandon the sinking ship previously known as the BIG LEAST. Mr. Luck has done a tremendous service to all of the actual college football fans in the state of WV. Travel cost for mountainqueer fans will skyrocket. Attendance at mountainqueer games will diminish. Thank you Mr. Luck for another country Bill Stewart move.

DAMN....... ITS COLD OUTSIDE!!!!!!!!!

Inside the house, the company is good, the coffee is great, and the cats make way to much noise when they are licking their asses, better than an alarm clock.Jackie and I have been discussing the possibility of attending a college football bowl game. I've never been, but I would like to go. GO HERD!!!!!!!!!

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

A new priest, born and raised in Texas, comes to serve in a city parish and is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand and try saying things like 'yes, I see,' and 'yes, go on,' and 'I understand.'The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, "No shit, what happened next?"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #111

Good morning everyone,

Another chilly Saturday Morning. All is well. The coffee is good and the company is great. Jackie is working on the extreme couponing thing she has going and I am working on my daily allowance of caffeine.

I want to say something in reference to the mountainqueer game from last night...No, maybe I have said enough.

I am not sure what the plans are for today...seems like it is too cold for lots of stuff, but I am sure that Jackie and I will find something to get into. I also know that walmart will be receiving some money from us today, other than that I am just not sure.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods, the Game Warden hot on his heels.

After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him. "Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!" the Warden gasped.

With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.

"Well, son," said the Game Warden, "you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"

"Yes, sir," replied the young guy, "but my friend back there, well, he don't have one."


Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #110

Good morning everyone,

It is saturday again. The coffee is good. Jackie has already left to run her saturday morning errands. I am still trying to decide what I will accomplish today. I believe that I am almost halway thru my weekend wine drinking...so, that will be an easy one to complete...probably should save that for this evening to go with dinner. There is the weekly wetting down of some fishing line. I believe that the schedule calls for water from Lake Vesuvius to complete this task...not sure if it is due this week or next (perhaps both). I also haven't made the required number of lunch visits to my favorite chinese place yet...might have to consider that. Of course,that will all have to wait while I consume the required amount of Folgers (soaked in hot water and strained). About 2 more cups and I will be done...at least I will have accomplished something.


Here's a chuckle to start your day...

The mother and father had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges. On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party.

The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30 AM the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?"

"Not too late, Dad." she replied nervously.

Dead-panned, her father said, "Then, my precious one, I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."


Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #109

Good morning everyone,

Another saturday has arrived...No work, but one day closer to winter. I suppose you have to take the good with the bad. Jackie is out finishing the yard sale season....there are some bargains out there...I never realized that so many people had so much stuff for such a cheap price that I didn't realize that I needed.

Its a nice three day weekend and we have no plans. I like that kind of schedule...I am sure I can follow it.

There is an email going around about the Congressional reform act of 2011. I realize that Congress will have a difficult time "reforming"...so why not take the time to forward this one to your Congressman...I did. Not sure if he will get it or not, but it was worth a try. Forwarding that to me won't make things happen, but if a Congressman reads it then it may just give them an idea...Maybe when I retire I will run for Congress strictly on a platform of Congressional reform and nothing else....

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

As a new school principal, Mr. Mitchell was checking over his school on the first day.

Passing the stockroom, he was startled to see the door wide open and teachers bustling in and out, carrying off books and supplies in preparation for the arrival of students the next day. The school where he had been a Principal the previous year had used a check-out system only slightly less elaborate than that at Fort Knox.

Cautiously, he asked the school's long time Custodian, "Do you think it's wise to keep the stock room unlocked and to let the teachers take things without requisitions?"

The Custodian looked at him gravely... "We trust them with the children, don't we?"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #108

Good morning everyone,

The first question for today is...Who ordered this cold weather?

I am not sure that I am ready for the onset of the cold. I am hoping we will get a few more weeks of warm weather. I don't quite have all of my fishing done and I am not sure if I am ready to start trout fishing yet.

This morning, Jackie decided to go and check the BIG rummage sales going on in the local area. I hope she finds some good stuff.

Josie Cat was sitting in the window and as soon as the heat kicked on she jumped down and went to the heat vent. She lives a very hard life.
Here's a chuckle to start your day....

A friend of mine was visiting a college, which had those security call boxes every few hundred feet. If you were wandering around the campus at night and felt uneasy about somebody following you, for instance, you could hit the button and have a security officer come investigate immediately.

On one of these phones hung a sign that said, "Out of Order."

Underneath it someone had scrawled. . . "Keep Running!"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #107

Good morning everyone,

Saturday morning again.The weather outside appears to be grey and dreary..still, it is saturday. This morning, Josie Cat is running a marathon. She has ran back and forth so much that it is making me tired. Alex Cat has even given up chasing her. I am sure they will be asleep shortly, after all they are cats.

Several of you will recall that Jackie and I canned some banana peppers. Well, we tried them. Let me say the flavor was intense. Next year we intend to grow MILD banana peppers in the garden...Kenny, you can open the jar we gave you. They are ready.

The reason that I brought this up is that we did something a little different with one jar. This jar is a mix of the (plain old regular) banana peppers and the last of the Jalapeno Peppers. Anybody got enough nerve to give that a whirl? Since trying the plain banana peppers the mixed jar kinda scares me.


Here's a chuckle to start your day....

An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.

"What did you do that for?" Asked a passing giraffe.

"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."

"Wow, what a memory" commented the giraffe.

"Yes," said the elephant, "turtle recall".

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #106

Good morning everyone,

Yippeee!!! Saturday again. Way better than working. The cats are wild this morning. Running back and forth and then the cat fights begin.

The work week was very long...since it was the first week back from vacation. Paperwork was piled everywhere and I still can't see over the top of the piles. It will still be there when I get back.

This weather change is awful. I am not ready for Fall/Winter. Can we please have summer back?

Here's a chuckle to start your day....

A truck driver was heading down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. Feeling it was his duty, he stopped to give the priest a ride. A short time later, he saw a lawyer with a briefcase on the side of the road and aimed his truck at him.

At the last second, he thought of the priest with him and realized he couldn't run over the lawyer, so he swerved, but he heard a thump anyway. Looking back as he drove on, he didn't see anything.

He began to apologize for his behavior to the priest. "I'm sorry, Father. I barely missed that lawyer at the side of the road."

But the priest said, "Don't worry, son. I got him with my door."



Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #105

Good morning everyone,

I guess everyone now knows that last weekend we were at Garden City, SC. The weather was great, the fishing was great, and the company was great (apparently we had a great time). I will split the credit for scheduling our trip (between hurricanes) with Jackie.

Jackie says she is going to post the pics on her facebook page...and before anyone even asks me...they call the place "Drunken Jacks" for a reason. I think there is already a picture of that.

Here's a chuckle to start your day....

A Grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning when he had made her coffee.

She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, "Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?"

Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV-'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #104

Good morning everyone,

It's saturday once again and I am so excited. Many of you know why I am excited and the rest will find out in next weeks blog. I am looking forward to the MU game. This young inexperienced team is going to start with a nationally ranked foe. GO HERD.

A friend of mine has a newsletter that you should look at. Here is the link Dawns Newsletter

The man told his doctor he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what's wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "You're just a plain old lazy bum."

"Thank You." said the man. "Now give me the medical term, so I can tell my wife!"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #103

Good morning everyone,

Saturday is upon us again and I am very glad. I do want to mention that we should all try and do something for those affected by Hurricane Irene. Can you imagine what something like this could do to your Saturday?

The coffee this morning is just right, even if I did make it myself. The cats have already exhausted themselves and are settling in as cats so often do....I think Josie is actually snoring.

This past week there was a VERY funny thing that happened inmy office. While I was talking to a vendor, on speakerphone, (while eating lunch at my desk) the vendor overheard others in my office. I explained to the vendor that it was Jackie and Phil, I told the vendor that Phil was "president of the Blind Veterans Association" (and he is). The vendor replied back..."Oh, you should see my duaghter...she's blonde too." The laughter could be heard a good distance down the hallway and now, Phil is reffered to as "President of the Blonde Veterans Association." I am sure there will be more to follow on this item.


Here's a chuckle to start your day...

Co-workers sympathized as my mother complained that her back was really sore from moving furniture.

"Why didn't you wait till your husband got home?" someone asked.

"I could have," my mother told the group," but the couch is easier to move if he's not on it."

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #102

Good morning everyone,

Last night, we were in Parkersburg,WV for the Colt Ford concert. It was a blast. This was an outdoor concert and one of the highlights was when the train came down the tracks...right behind the stage. Even the lead singer was surprised...Could only happen in West Virginia.

Jackie and I are discussing whether we should go "crabbin'" while we are in South Carolina. The license is very inexpensive and the equipment is cheap also...sounds like it might be fun (and tasty).

This mornings cat races have come to a close and both of the little beasts are now laying down. I am not sure who the winner is.


Here's a chuckle to start your day...


Joe was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense.

"They should not put up such misleading notices," said Joe.

"It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE."


Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #101

Good morning everyone...

What a beautiful saturday morning. The weather is fantastic and the company and coffee are just great.

The vacation debate is finished...and the winner is...Garden City, SC. The hotel reservations are made. I can't tell you the dates we will be gone (for obvious reasons) but, there will be pictures on facebook when we return. I am so looking forward to some pier fishing (AKA Beer Drinking) and going out on the ocean for a day.

I realize this is very short, but I think I am just going to refill the coffee and sit outside for a short while...before the day starts.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards."


Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #100

Good morning everyone...

Today seems to be a rainy saturday. Sounds like a winner to me after all of the heat.

Lots of discussion going on about the next vacation. Garden City seems to be the winner so far. I like the idea also. Looking forward to coffee on the balcony,with Jackie, and the waves crashing down just a few feet away.

The house is very quiet...Jackie is asleep, Maggie is asleep, and Yoda is asleep. The cats aren't even stirring. The quiet of the morning allows me to reflect upon things. Although I look forward to retirement...I only have 209 paydays left. Kinda scary. I know that fish all over the continent have this marked on their calendars.

Here's a chuckle to start you day...

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"


Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #99

Good morning everyone,

The past week has been FANTASTIC. We were on VACATION. I won't bore you with all of the details, but let me say that if you ever get the chance eat dinner at The Hofbrau Haus

As we all grow a little older, I realize that I am coming up on the end of vacations with my little girl. Kinda sad, yet it is to be expected.

The next step is to start planning septembers vacation. Jackie and I have the list narrowed down to Gatlinburg, Morehead City,Garden City, and somewhere on Lake Erie. NO KIDS.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...
There were two men shipwrecked on this island. The minute they got on to the island one of them started screaming and yelling, "We're going to die! We're going to die! There's no food! No water! We're going to die!"

The second man was propped up against a palm tree and acting so calmly it drove the first man crazy. "Don't you understand?!? We're going to die!!"

The second man replied, "You don't understand, I make $100,000 a week."

The first man looked at him quite dumbfounded and asked, "What difference does that make?!? We're on an island with no food and no water! We're going to DIE!!!"

The second man answered, "You just don't get it. I make $100,000 a week and I tithe ten percent on that $100,000 a week. My pastor will find me!"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #98

Good morning everyone...

Saturday again. Coffee is beginning to work on me and I am waking up. The heat is way to high to do anything, but I suppose I will have to, sooner or later. Have I mentioned that I am not working Monday. Kenny and I are planning some fishing...for those of you not fluent in my language, that translates to "men consuming beer."

Dinner for this evening is already in the fridge. A very nice sirloin. Probably warmed on the grill, along with freshly picked corn and green beans. I also imagine there will be some grilled sqash. yummy.

Everyone, please be careful in this heat...stay hydrated. Krogers has a mark down on Bud Ice so there is no excuse for being dehydrated.

Here's a chuckle to start your day..

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" I said. A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?" I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored. I replied, "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"

"Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded.

"I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."

Silence on the other end... a confused silence.

"Is this Steve?"

My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number.

So I replied, "Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?"

"Well... he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him," she said in a slightly irritated voice.

I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00."

A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!"

"The girl he went out with."

"I know that! I mean... who is she?"

"I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?"

"Yes... please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home."

She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring. "I sure will. Is this Jennifer?"

She exploded, "Who's Jennifer?"

Apparently she wasn't.

"Well... he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry... it was an honest mistake."

"Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she's very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he gets home."

I smiled and said, "Okay, I will... but Becky isn't going to like this..."

-- Click --

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #97

Good morning everyone...

Saturday is here again. Thank goodness. The work week has been long and drawn out. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my job, but it will wear a person out.

The Garden requires some work. There are bunches of cucumbers and green beans that need to be picked. I look forward to getting that done.

Sitting here this morning it looks like rain outside...should be good for the gardens and make all of the lawn care companies happy.

Here's a chuckle to start your day....

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. " I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"



Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Friday, July 8, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #96

Good morning everyone,

Saturday again.... Thank Goodness.

This morning I am enjoying the coffe and the company. I hope my weekend adventures go well and are profitable. I am planning on having lots of fun.

The past week at work has been very busy...hardly a minute to draw an easy breath. I am sure the upcoming week will be much easier.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

One afternoon, a woman was in her back yard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. The woman could tell from the dog's collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when she walked into the house, the dog followed her, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner.

An hour later, he went to the door, and the woman let him out.

The next day the dog was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks.

Curious, the woman pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap."

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "We have ten children. He's trying to catch up on his sleep."

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #95

Good morning everyone...

Here it is saturday again. I suppose I shall have to resign myself to going fishing, with friends, on a boat, in the river, and....maybe even drink some beer. Isn't that HORRIBLE!!!:)

Since it is the 4th of July weekend, perhaps we should look back at America's past. We should remember the men that had the plans and dreams for a new nation. Somehow their visions have been corrupted by greed...and ignorance, perhaps even arrogance. I predict a new revolution by the people. When the silent majority grow tired of caring for the slackers, and the criminal element becomes too much for the silent majority to bear, they will rise up and swipe away the irritant. That day is coming soon. That will be the day that the political leaders no longer get to keep retirement after serving one term. There will be no continued health care for them...they will enjoy the same benefits as all Americans do. Also, since congress has decided that minimum wage is a liveable wage, then that is what they shall be paid.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!"

A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would spring, and the actor would drop from view.

The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend.

One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"


Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #94

Good morning everyone...

Another week of work in the books. Time is rapidly passing by. The vacation discussion has continued. There are several scheduling conflicts. I believe the summer vacation is going to be short and simple, but it will still be a vacation with kids that are almost grown. The last word was the Ohio river town of Cincinnatti.. waterpark, German restaraunt, and hotel with pool. I might even try to go to Jungle Jims

Jackie and I are still planning a fishing trip in september. We still aren't sure where. I am thinking Vermillion, OH for jumbo perch fishing. Might even be talked into doing Walleye somewhere. I could even be convinced to go over to Virginia Beach. I suppose we will just wait and see.

This past week we had dinner with sone friends...Travis and Karen. You can refer back to the wedding and engagement as it was listed in this blog. I noticed that they are still in love with each other. I have to remark on this and am going to steal a line from a commercial..."Stay thirsty, my friend."


Here's a chuckle to start your day...

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Las Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?"

A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don't know. Why don't you play your age?" Then he walked away.

Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.

The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she alright?"

The roulette wheel operator replied, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29. When 36 came up, she just fainted!"


Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #93

Good morning everyone...

Good old saturday...I have missed you all week.

The coffe this morning is yummy. The cats have received a new job. Officially they have started being the alarm clocks. They woke us very early. Poor, hungry, attention starved creatures...I will let them live...this time.

Work continues to be the same...same old, same old.

Vacation planning is in full swing. Hotel reservations will be made soon. Everything still looks as if we are headed to Morehead City, NC....still some discussion going on.


Here's a chuckle to start your day...

In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking.

"Next question," announced the instructor. "How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?"

I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned and asked, "How do you spell 'intellectual?'"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #92

Good morning everyone...

What an interesting day in morganhole,WV. Seems as if country bill had a little attitude and ollie decided to spank him. country bill pretty much told the Mountainqueer nation to piss off. Gotta love that. I do suggest that the bars in morganhole that are close to the Mountainqueer facilities raise prices...the new head coach should be able to keep them in business....

I looked out the window this morning and it had been raining. Good for the garden, but bad for the boating community. I know that Kenny is chomping at the bit to get his boat in the water.

No major plans for this weekend...just catch up on a few chores and start vacation planning. I am very much looking forward to vacation this year (like that is new?). I am going to try and slip in a fishing trip before vacation. Just something quick and over a weekend. Gotta love the quick getaways.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

Father O'Brian, a young priest, was sent to a very small church in the backwoods of Alaska. After a couple of years the Bishop decided to pay the priest a visit to see how he was doing.

Father O'Brian said "this is a very lonely job and I don't think that I could have made it this long without my Rosary and two martinis each day."

"What?!" Exclaimed the Bishop. "You've taken to drinking? What kind of example is that to set for the community? This doesn't reflect well on the church."

"But the loneliness, I just couldn't stand it. If it weren't for my Rosary and those two martinis a day, I would surely have gone insane."

The Bishop thought a moment, then said "I guess that is understandable considering..."

With that the priest said to the Bishop, "Would you like to have a martini with me?"

The Bishop said, "well, I really shouldn't but...Yes, that would be nice. I think I will, but just this once."

The priest turned around and hollered toward the kitchen, "Hey Rosary, would you fix us two martinis please?"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #91

Good morning everyone...

Well here's another saturday morning. It is supposed to be a beautiful day. I plan on enjoying it...outside and doing stuff. I might have to stop and watch the T-ballers play. They are so funny.

Jackie and I stopped at Skye Lake and watched everyone fishing. There were some kids that were very entertaining. Jackie says she wants to go fishing there one evening.

I am still planning my next fishing trip. Still not sure where we are going. Might decide to do a float trip down the new river and see how many smallmouth we can catch.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef.

"Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there."

"Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported."

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #90

Good Morning everyone...

Another Saturday is upon us. This weekend is the one where we need to stop and think about the fallen heroes that have given their lives so we could enjoy a future. We are all with family and friends, enjoying the "stuff from the grill," and loving the weekend. Please,just take a minute to remember OUR fallen Heroes.

I am still in the planning stages for my next great adventure. I am thinking Alaska. I have viewed several web sites that are all-inclusive. I am very interested.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...
I was helping a buddy of mine, who was an orthopedic surgeon, move to his new office, and using my car to help transport some of his office equipment.

I had decided to position his somewhat fragile display skeleton strapped into the back seat of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat...

At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became quite obvious. I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to a doctor's office."

The other driver leaned out of his window. and commented, "I hate to tell you, but I looks like you may be a bit too late!"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #89

Good morning everyone...

Last week I posted that there was a fishing trip in the works for Lake Eerie. I have some very sad news. There has been a fire in Port Clinton, OH and The Garden has been damaged. This fine eating and drinking establishment will not reopen. I will surely miss going there.

This morning we will be going to see Yoda. Sounds like a fun time for all involved. I might even convince Jackie to buy lunch at Cabella's.

Here is a note for my friends that might be concerned about me and fishing...there will be another trip planned...I am just not sure where.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...
My dear friend, a divorcee, never remarried, and her daughter wanted to know why.

"The men I know would bring too much heavy baggage to the marriage and I simply don't want to put up with it," she explained.

Taking her mother's hand in hers, my friend's daughter said sweetly, "I hate to break the news to you, Mom, but you're not exactly carry-on yourself."



Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #88

Good morning everyone...

Saturday morning...again. I like the weather. The coffee is great. The cats are well behaved (sometimes). AND its FISHING SEASON. I suppose it is time to plan a weekend excursion to...Lake Eerie...does that surprise the people that know me?

The garden is turned and ready for planting. Jackie says she is going to start planting this weekend.I haven't put out a garden this size in several years. I am kind of looking forward to it. I realize that there is lots of work, but the rewards are fantastic.

I am planning a drive out towards Lake Vesivius this weekend to look at the water and see if it is "fishable." Might have to spend a day out there and see what I can find. Everyone knows I am not into "catfishing" so most of my trips are ocean or Lake Eerie. Sometimes I just like the peace of Lake Vesuvius.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

My wife has not spoken to me in three days. I think it has something to do with what happened on Sunday night when she thought she heard a noise downstairs.

She nudged me and whispered, "Wake up, wake up!"

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the tuna casserole I made tonight."

"That'll teach them!" I replied.

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #87

Good morning everyone,

Here it is Saturday again. Alex and Josie are just being the way cats are supposed to be. Life is flowing along just like it should, and I am looking forward to a VERY nice weekend.

I apologize for the hiatus last weekend. Many of you already know that I was AT THE BEACH (80's and SUNNY). It was a very good time. Jackie and I enjoyed it more than I can describe. Let me just say that the hotel door opened and you could see and hear the waves crashing onto the beach. We slept with the door open and the sound of the water to ease us into dreamland.

Not much news to report from here. Jackie did have a drink the other night. She ordered a bin laden (2 shots and a splash of water).

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. " I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"


Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday Morning Reflection #86

Good morning everyone,

Here it is...Saturday again. Lately, a few people have approached me and mentioned that they actually enjoy reading this and hope I keep writing it. I appreciate the feedback.

Last night it stormed. The lightning flashed and the thunder cracked. The rain poured down. I don't believe I will get any yardwork done today. I am pretty sure the best use of my time will be to sit inside this morning and drink coffee. Think of that.

This weeks major project is removal of the decorative pond from the front yard. Prior to the storms last night it was drained....

Here's a chuckle to start your day....

A couple was going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab, "Sorry I took so long," he says. "Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"


Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #85

Good morning everyone,

Another lovely saturday morning...wet and cool. My daughter is here for the weekend. Last night she told Jackie and I that we were running a home for "orphaned and wayward cats." The population of cats on the back porch seems to be increasing. I am not sure what needs to be done about it.

Alex Cat (inside cat) was involved in a cat fight a couple of days ago. He was at the sliding glass back door exchanging blows with a large black tom cat. The black tom finally gave up and left. Alex was so proud of himself and strutted around the house for hours. He checked the back porch often...just to make sure the intruder didn't return.

Here's a chuckle to start your day....

Theory of M&M Evolution

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species.

To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger,I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to: M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc. Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #84

Good morning everyone,

Yee Haw!!!! Good old saturday morning. I'm up. The coffee is hot. Jackie is hot. The cats are playing like...well...like its saturday morning.

Almost everyone knows that jackie has been feeding some cats outside. She usually puts out just a little dry food. We always thought that the cats finished this. Last night, around midnight, Josie and Alex were attacking something thru the back glass. Normally, they don't pay much attention to the outside cats, so when I looked...a large oppossum was enjoying the last of the catfood. I sure do miss Jake Dog.

Perhaps, after vacations this year it will be time to have another puppy

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

A red neck walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The red neck is suitably impressed, and buys it.

The next day he brings it back and says, "This chainsaw is defective. It would only cut down one tree and it took all the gosh-darned day!"

The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what's wrong, and the red neck asks, "What's that noise?

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #83

Good morning everyone,

Friday evening was comedy club night...It was interesting, and probably some of the better entertainment available in this 1 pony town (not sure this place qualifies for a horse).

I am tired of cold and snow. The date for the first fishing trip of spring is set. Hotel reservations are made. We will be heading out for Garden City, SC on ******. I can't post the date as I don't want my house robbed while I am gone, but I will let everyone know when we get back. I am sure there will be pics on facebbok.


Here's a chuckle to start your day...

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #82

Good morning everyone,

Snow!? Snow?! What in the world is going on????

The coffee this morning is very good and the cat races are going on...not really sure which one is winning...not even sure it matters. The hotel reservations are made for the fishing trip in April. I can hardly wait.

Summer is almost here and the nightcrawlers are becoming more and more scared. I imagine my picture is hanging in the nightcrawler post office and I am listed as a mass murderer.

Here's a chuckle to start out your day....
A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other.

"Now listen here," the policeman said, "Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you"

"In that case," said the boy, "I'll kiss it on the forehead and let it go"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #81

Good morning everyone...

Appears as if the wind blew last night.

There are so many good choices for the first fishing trip of the year we are having trouble deciding. The newest discussion involves running south and fishing for a weekend. I like that idea because it can happen sooner (and in better weather)...although, I do love Port Clinton.

This morning I fed the cats...Jackie's cat looked at what I gave him and covered it like he would something in the litter box. Then he went into the bedroom with Jackie. When she got up and gave him some food he ate it and is now the happy fat contented cat. He is an ass.

Jackie says I am not allowed to talk bad about her cat...I am not...I am typing.


Here's a chuckle to start your day off...

Perhaps you've heard of the man who thought he was dead? In reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince the man he was still alive.

Nothing seemed to work.

Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show the patient that dead men don't bleed. After hours of tedious study, the patient seemed convinced that dead men don't bleed.

"Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked.

"Yes, I do," the patient replied.

"Very well, then," the doctor said.

He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a trickle of blood.

The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?"

"Oh my goodness!" the patient exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger ... "Dead men do bleed!!"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #80

Good morning everyone,

When I got up this morning and looked into the back lake...I realized why I have flood insurance...its to keep me from filling sandbags to keep the water out of my house. I think it might not get into the basement (or take out the heating unit) but, it will be close.

There is no sleeping in around my house....the cats were determined to get me up this a.m. Josie worked feverishly knocking everything of the nightstand and Ale attacked my feet. I was forced to pet them...only that wasn't enough. Apparently they wanted cat food. I think I will wake them several times today when they try to sleep.

Kenny and I talked about hitting Lake Eerie...soon it will be walleye time and I can hardly wait. It might be just a little cold still...might be a couple more weeks.

Here's a chuckle to get your day going....

There was once a small boy who banged a drum all day and loved every moment of it. He would not be quiet, no matter what anyone else said or did. Various attempts were made to do something about the child.

One person told the boy that he would, if he continued to make so much noise, perforate his eardrums. This reasoning was too advanced for the child, who was neither a scientist nor a scholar.

A second person told him that drum beating was a sacred activity and should be carried out only on special occasions. The third person offered the neighbors plugs for their ears; a fourth gave the boy a book; a fifth gave the neighbors books that described a method of controlling anger through biofeedback; a sixth person gave the boy meditation exercises to make him placid and docile. None of these attempts worked.

Eventually, a wise person came along with an effective motivation. He looked at the situation, handed the child a hammer and chisel, and asked, "I wonder what is INSIDE the drum?"

No more problem.

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #79

Good morning everyone...

The countdown has begun, in less than 30 days there will be another driver in the house.

I know the weather people say it is going to rain, but I just can't help but to love this time of year. It is almost spring (should be named walleye season) and I am so ready for it. I bet there is a weekend trip to Lake Eerie rapidly approaching. Should I call now and make dinner reservations at The Garden....For those of you that know (Adam)...This is the year I get a beer glass from there.

Here you go, Ginger...
An elephant and a crocodile were swimming in the jungle, when the elephant spots a turtle sunning himself on a rock. The elephant walks over to the turtle, picks him up in his trunk and hurls him far into the jungle.

"What did you do that for?" asked the crocodile.

The elephant answered, "That turtle was the one that bit me almost fifty years ago."

The crocodile said, "And you remembered him after all these years? Boy, you sure do have a good memory."

"Yep," says the elephant. "Turtle recall."

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #78

Good morning everyone,

Here it is...Saturday again. Summer will soon be here. The plans for this year include some yard renovations....I hope to take the decorative pond (you know, the personalized neighborhood cat drinking fountain) out of the "front yard." That will make it much easier to mow.

Today, I hope to not accomplish anything. I think that will make this a perfectly lazy saturday. Maybe a drive thru the country to see if we can find anything interesting.

Here you go, Ginger...

I was living in the mountains above Denver when my college buddy, Gary, arrived in his ancient Maserati sports car. He had just driven it from Ohio, and as he pulled into my driveway, the car broke down.

Calls to auto-supply houses and garages in search of replacement parts proved futile. The 1962 model was simply too rare. Responses ranged from "Mas-a-what?" to "You've got to be kidding." One guy just laughed.

I was at the end of the listings in the Yellow Pages when I dialed Victor's Garage. "Vic," I said, "you're my last hope. Do you carry any parts for a 1962 Maserati?"

There was a long pause. Finally, Victor cleared his throat. "Yes," he replied. "Oil."

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #77

Good morning everyone,

Summer is approaching fast...:)

Today is my annual trip to the store to pick up essential items. The first on my list...NEW FISHING LICENSE.

My psychic abilities tell me that there is a walleye cruising the water around Port Clinton looking for my bait...I will be there soon.

NEWS FLASH...I have been informed that Alex Cat will NOT eat fish and shrimp for breakfast...that is an evening meal. I tried it anyway this morning and he ended up getting a can of seafood feast also. Josie Cat appears to like it BUFFET STYLE.


Here you go, Ginger...

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out. So, he began circling around looking for a landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous.

Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the plane around,rolls down the window and shouts to the guy, "Hey where am I?"

To this, the solitary office worker replies, "You're in a plane."

The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.

The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it.

"Simple," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just five miles due East."

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #76

Good morning everyone...

This morning when I went in to feed the "outside cats" I saw the darndest thing...Only one outside cat came running when I opened the door. I had just put the "left overs" from Alex and Josie into the outside cats bowl. The outside cat had a large mouse in his mouth. Instead of eating his mouse he spit it into the left overs and began to eat cat food. One of the other outside cats arrived and started in on the leftovers. The first cat promptly whacked him with a paw. The second cat then was allowed to take the mouse. Kinda makes me wonder...which is better...leftover canned cat food or fresh mouse?

Here you go, Ginger...

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #75

Good morning everyone...

Another saturday morning has arrived. The birds are singing, the rain is falling, and the coffee is good (the company isn't bad either).

Today, I am actually going to go political...

What the HELL is wrong with you Americans out there!!??? This country was founded on the belief of FREEDOM of RELIGION and expects tolerance from everyone that is involved. I am gonna have to say that the next time some MUSLIM starts to spout off about this great country (and I am not talking about expressing an opinion) then perhaps it will be time for one of us to simply slap the piss out of them. Those people that don't like it here...go back and change YOUR country. Leave mine alone...I have had enough and am thinking about following my own advice!!

The President of the United States should NEVER apologize for THIS country or say anything that should be construed as negative towards Her. I realize that we only have a short period of time until the islamic,liberal is sent from the White House. I look forward to this. I hope that it will not be too late for America to once again embrace the core values that made Her great.

GOD BLESS AMERICA!
Here you go, Ginger...

Our local minister had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures made a few weeks ago.

The first Sunday, his sermon lasted 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday, he preached for an hour and a half.

I asked him about this. He then told me "well, John, that first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my dentures were still hurting a lot. Now the third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures AND I COULDN'T STOP TALKING!"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #74

Good morning everyone,
Is it SUMMER yet?

What an interesting week it has been. I normally keep this blog short, so I suppose I will tell the exploding lettuce story...

One morning while getting ready for work, Jackie made salads for lunch. She was so kind as to place the garbage (cores and such) into the sink. I placed them down into the garbage disposal. While the disposal was running the water started to back up into the sink. I worked feverishly to fix the problem. I thought the "back up" was resolved. It was not. Jackie says that all she heard was the disposal start...followed by a loud...KAPOP...and..."FUCK!!!!"

Let me say the disposal worked just fine, but when it shot the waste down the line the waste encountered a blockage. This caused the waste to quickly back up (with explosive force)and shoot thru the other sink. There was lettuce across much of the kitchen and I required a change of clothes prior to going to work. I am thankful that I was not looking into the sink to assure myself that the problem was fixed. There were several phone calls for "lettuce head" at my office that day.

Here you go, Ginger...

Two Mexicans are on a bicycle about 15 miles outside of Lafayette, Louisiana

One of the bike's tires goes flat and they start hitching a lift back into
town. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help, and the Mexicans ask
him for a ride. He tells them he has no room in the trailer as he is
carrying 20,000 bowling balls. The Mexicans put it to the driver that if
they can manage to fit into the back with their bike, will he take them back

into town and he agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their bike
into the back and the driver shuts the doors and gets on his way. By this
time he is really late and so puts the hammer down and sure enough, a blond
cop pulls him over for speeding. The lady officer asks the driver what he is

carrying, to which the driver jokingly replies "Mexican eggs." The
Blond
Lady Cop obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look in the
trailer. She opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it. She gets

on her radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as
possible plus the Swat Team. The dispatcher asks what emergency she has
that require so many officers. "I've got a Tractor-Trailer stopped
with
20,000 Mexican eggs in it. Two have hatched and they've already managed to
steal a bicycle."


Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #73

Good morning everyone,

I want to start this off by saying...This past week at work I had one of the best cups of coffee I have had in a long time. Please refer to Saturday morning reflection #72 for the details. Also, let me say...

GO HERD

The past week was a full moon. You could tell because of all the crazies at work. I am hoping the next week straightens up some. I have talked with several people in the past week and it looks as if the talk is towards a fishing trip to Port Clinton (you know who you are). There was also a little discussion of some fishing in Lake Michigan. Jackie and I have also talked about going back to the beach and taking a trip out. Will summer ever get here?


Here you go, Ginger...

A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night.

The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred... "I'll die for you!"

The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, "How many times?"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #72

Good morning everyone...

Here it is, Saturday again, and a long weekend (thank you Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr).

I will have to tell everyone, that for the first time in several years I have placed a bet on the upcoming Capitol classic. There is a mountainqueer fan at work that gave me Marshall and 8 points. I will enjoy my winnings (1 cup of starbucks coffee).

There are some upcoming dinner plans with some friends. The last time we went out was the "disaster at huntington prime." This one should turn out better. I am thinking saki and sushi, or perhaps the Dog Track for cheap steak night (Prime Rib or filet). Since Travis reads this I am sure he will let me know his thoughts on the matter.

Here you go, Ginger...

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise.
Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed.
The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.

"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath.

"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #71

Good morning everyone...

Once again it is saturday morning. Another weekend that will travel past much too quickly and force us all to return to "the grind." This morning I was reviewing my retirement plan and was surprised to discover that my anticipated retirement year was on the list. The government offers investments into something called "lifecycle" funds. The year I want to retire is the next one on the list. I suppose I should actually look into that.

Alex Cat and Josie Cat have settled down for the morning. There were cat races going on thru the house.I am still not sure how they determine the winner or...if there actually is one.

Since there is a bunch of snow on the ground I think I will just be lazy and hang out here. I hope everyone has a nice weekend.

Here you go, Ginger...

"Nice dog. What's its name?" I asked my friend's 10-year old son.

"Bob," he said.

"And what's your cat's name?"

"Bob."

"Well, how do you keep them straight?" I asked.

"Well, one is Bob Cat and the other is Bob Barker," the boy answered.

"Go ahead and tell him your rabbit's name," his father suggested.

The kid smiled and said... "Dennis Hopper."

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #70

Good morning everyone...

Here it is New Years Day. I hope everyone had a wonderful night. I know that we did. The trip to Columbus was preceded by a trip to the craps table in Cross Lanes(I came out ahead). The hotel (Mariott) was just fine. The dining place (Ruth's Chris Steakhouse) met all expectations. The best part of all was the company. Enough said.

I hope everyone has a very HAPPY New Year and I look forward to writing this Blog for many years to come.

Here you go, Ginger...
My husband David's colleague at a package-processing center was trapped in a small rest room by a faulty lock. When he was finally discovered, David and another worker were able to open the door with some difficulty. The lock was still jammed, so they blocked the door open while a maintenance worker was called. A bit later, David noticed the door was closed again. He jiggled the doorknob and a voice from inside called, "Get me out!"

"Don't worry," David replied, "Maintenance should be sending somebody."

"They did," said the voice.

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills