Saturday, July 30, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #99

Good morning everyone,

The past week has been FANTASTIC. We were on VACATION. I won't bore you with all of the details, but let me say that if you ever get the chance eat dinner at The Hofbrau Haus

As we all grow a little older, I realize that I am coming up on the end of vacations with my little girl. Kinda sad, yet it is to be expected.

The next step is to start planning septembers vacation. Jackie and I have the list narrowed down to Gatlinburg, Morehead City,Garden City, and somewhere on Lake Erie. NO KIDS.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...
There were two men shipwrecked on this island. The minute they got on to the island one of them started screaming and yelling, "We're going to die! We're going to die! There's no food! No water! We're going to die!"

The second man was propped up against a palm tree and acting so calmly it drove the first man crazy. "Don't you understand?!? We're going to die!!"

The second man replied, "You don't understand, I make $100,000 a week."

The first man looked at him quite dumbfounded and asked, "What difference does that make?!? We're on an island with no food and no water! We're going to DIE!!!"

The second man answered, "You just don't get it. I make $100,000 a week and I tithe ten percent on that $100,000 a week. My pastor will find me!"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #98

Good morning everyone...

Saturday again. Coffee is beginning to work on me and I am waking up. The heat is way to high to do anything, but I suppose I will have to, sooner or later. Have I mentioned that I am not working Monday. Kenny and I are planning some fishing...for those of you not fluent in my language, that translates to "men consuming beer."

Dinner for this evening is already in the fridge. A very nice sirloin. Probably warmed on the grill, along with freshly picked corn and green beans. I also imagine there will be some grilled sqash. yummy.

Everyone, please be careful in this heat...stay hydrated. Krogers has a mark down on Bud Ice so there is no excuse for being dehydrated.

Here's a chuckle to start your day..

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" I said. A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?" I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored. I replied, "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"

"Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded.

"I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."

Silence on the other end... a confused silence.

"Is this Steve?"

My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number.

So I replied, "Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?"

"Well... he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him," she said in a slightly irritated voice.

I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00."

A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!"

"The girl he went out with."

"I know that! I mean... who is she?"

"I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?"

"Yes... please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home."

She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring. "I sure will. Is this Jennifer?"

She exploded, "Who's Jennifer?"

Apparently she wasn't.

"Well... he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry... it was an honest mistake."

"Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she's very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he gets home."

I smiled and said, "Okay, I will... but Becky isn't going to like this..."

-- Click --

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #97

Good morning everyone...

Saturday is here again. Thank goodness. The work week has been long and drawn out. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my job, but it will wear a person out.

The Garden requires some work. There are bunches of cucumbers and green beans that need to be picked. I look forward to getting that done.

Sitting here this morning it looks like rain outside...should be good for the gardens and make all of the lawn care companies happy.

Here's a chuckle to start your day....

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. " I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Friday, July 8, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #96

Good morning everyone,

Saturday again.... Thank Goodness.

This morning I am enjoying the coffe and the company. I hope my weekend adventures go well and are profitable. I am planning on having lots of fun.

The past week at work has been very busy...hardly a minute to draw an easy breath. I am sure the upcoming week will be much easier.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

One afternoon, a woman was in her back yard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. The woman could tell from the dog's collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when she walked into the house, the dog followed her, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner.

An hour later, he went to the door, and the woman let him out.

The next day the dog was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks.

Curious, the woman pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap."

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "We have ten children. He's trying to catch up on his sleep."

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #95

Good morning everyone...

Here it is saturday again. I suppose I shall have to resign myself to going fishing, with friends, on a boat, in the river, and....maybe even drink some beer. Isn't that HORRIBLE!!!:)

Since it is the 4th of July weekend, perhaps we should look back at America's past. We should remember the men that had the plans and dreams for a new nation. Somehow their visions have been corrupted by greed...and ignorance, perhaps even arrogance. I predict a new revolution by the people. When the silent majority grow tired of caring for the slackers, and the criminal element becomes too much for the silent majority to bear, they will rise up and swipe away the irritant. That day is coming soon. That will be the day that the political leaders no longer get to keep retirement after serving one term. There will be no continued health care for them...they will enjoy the same benefits as all Americans do. Also, since congress has decided that minimum wage is a liveable wage, then that is what they shall be paid.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!"

A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would spring, and the actor would drop from view.

The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend.

One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills