Saturday, April 14, 2012

Saturday Morning Reflection #136

Good morning everyone...

Another Saturday has arrived...Thank Goodness.

This brings us another day closer to vacation. I was reading the fishing report from Morehead City, NC and I wish I was there now. I also looked at the Grocery Sales papers and they have some really good deals on beer. I sure wish I was there and taking advantage of them.

There are no cat races this morning. I believe they stayed awake all night playing with Maggie.

Jackie told me that Momma Cat brought her kitten over. She said the little thing is wild and solid black.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

An old farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.

Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the......"

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine!'?"

Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road...."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie."

Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well... as I was sayin', I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was drivin' her down the highway when this huge semi ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurtin' real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

Real soon a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin', too. So, he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are YOU feeling?'

Now what the heck would you say?"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Saturday Morning Reflection #135

Good morning everyone...

Another wonderful Saturday. I am not sure what the plan is for today...I am sure though, that it will be better than trudging off to work.

The cats are wild this morning...I am hoping that after I finish my coffee I will have that much energy.

I can smell breakfast cooking....it must be Jackie's turn to cook.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do God's work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Saturday Morning Reflection #134

Good morning everyone...

Spring is here...The Rose bush in the front yard should look GREAT this year (pictures to follow).

Breakfast this morning is going to be Corned Beef Hash and Eggs...Jackie's favorite.

I am looking forward to starting my day. Seems like in the summer I just wanna go out side and play. I think I am going to get moving...

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

A filthy rich man in Florida decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Bubba, the only redneck in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 10 ft man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who is brave enough to jump in."

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Bubba in the pool!

Bubba was fighting the gator and kicking its hide! Bubba was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Bubba and the gator were screaming and raising hell. Finally Bubba strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a K-mart goldfish. Bubba then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, "Well, Bubba, I reckon I owe you a million dollars."

"No, that's okay. I don't want it," said Bubba.

The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?"

"No thanks. I don't want it," answered Bubba.

The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?"

Again Bubba said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, "Well, Bubba, then what do you want?"

Bubba said, "I want the name of the SOB who pushed me in the pool."

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Saturday Morning Reflection #133

Good morning everyone...


Saturday again..feels good not to be at work.

This mornings breakfast was muffins (from a local coffee shop).

No really big plans for today...I am not sure just what I am going to do today. I might clean the inside of the truck....after the coffee pot is emptied.

Jackie has been complaining that Alex Cat is spoiled. She opened the fridge and he ran in there...begging for bacon pieces...maybe I should change that to DEMANDING BACON PIECES. I am not sure how he got spoiled that way.


Here's a chuckle to start your day...

"Congratulations my boy!" said the groom's uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life."

"But I'm not getting married until tomorrow," protested his nephew.

"I know," replied the uncle. "That's exactly what I mean."

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Saturday Morning Reflection #132

Good morning everyone...

Well, here it is...another Saturday morning. I wonder who ordered this weather? We should call them and thank them.

The cat races are already finished here...not sure exactly who won, but judging from the amount of sleeping they are both exhausted.

Today will be a busy day for Jackie...officially she will be attending her 1st birthday party as Maw-Maw. Miss Haleigh (commonly referred to as Little Miss Thunder diapers) will be 1 year old...today. Last night, Jackie and I were discussing this and I told her I couldn't hardly wait until I got to feed the baby her first Pickled Egg...watch for it...its coming.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. A likely-looking girl came in from the country, and they hired her.

She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat. One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quit.

"But why?" asked the disappointed wife.

She hemmed and hawed and said she didn't want to say, but the wife was persistent, so finally she said, "Well, on my day off a couple of months ago I met this good-looking fellow from over in the next county, and well, I'm pregnant."

The wife said, "Look, we don't want to lose you. My husband and I don't have any children, and we'll adopt your baby if you will stay."

She talked to her husband; he agreed, and the maid said she would stay. The baby came, they adopted it, and all went well.

After another year, though, the maid came in again and said that she would have to quit. The wife questioned her, found out that she was pregnant again, talked to her husband, and offered to adopt the baby if she would stay. She agreed, had the baby, they adopted it, and life went on as usual.

In a few months, however, she again said she would have to leave. Same thing. She was pregnant. They made the same offer, she agreed, and they adopted the third baby. She worked for a week or two, but then said, "I am definitely leaving this time."

"Don't tell me you're pregnant again?" asked the lady of the house.

"No," she said, "there are just too many kids here to pick up after."
Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Saturday Morning Reflection #131

Good morning everyone...

The grandbaby stayed last night...this morning she has discovered a new way to soften the dry cat food before she eats it...she dips it in the cats water bowl. Mawmaw says she is wearing down. I think if Mawmaw says "No No" many more times the baby will believe its her name.

I won't be writing too much today...there is more action here (this morning) than at a 2.00 whorehouse outside a Navy base on a payday weekend.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

His pediatrician asked six-year-old Johnny, who watched a good many TV, adds, just to make conversation.

Johnny, if you found a couple of dollars and had to spend them, what would you buy?"

"A box of Tampax," he replied without hesitation.

"Tampax?" said the doctor. "What would you do with that?"

"Well," said Johnny, "I do not know exactly, but it's sure worth two dollars. With tampax, it says on TV, you can go swimming, go horseback riding, and also go skating, any time you want to."


Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Saturday Morning Reflection #130

Good morning everyone...

Here it is another beautiful Saturday. Spring is so close I checked the DNR website for the Trout stocking schedules. I figure it won't be long until some rainbows are cooking on the stove. I bet the cats think thats a good idea also.

It is now official...Jackie is going to be a Grandmother...again. Does this mean she is the upgraded version? Mawmaw2

The day is sunny and beautiful. I am going to get out of here and get some stuff done.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

The hurricanes that hit the Gulf Coast of our nation were devastating.
It did not spare the houses of worship in and around the area.

One of the local television stations in South Louisiana aired an interview
with a woman from New Orleans .
The interviewer was a woman from a Boston affiliate.
She asked the woman:
“How such total and complete devastation of the Churches in the area had affected their lives?”

Without hesitation, the woman replied,
"I don't know about all those other people,
But we ain't gone to Churches in years. "We git our chicken from Popeye's".

The look on the interviewer's face was priceless.
They're out there, they live among us, AND THEY VOTE.
Now you understand how we got our president?

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Saturday Morning Reflection #129

Good morning everyone...

Another weekend has arrived. The weekends are always so much better than the weekdays. I enjoy lounging around the house (and the company) without the hustle and bustle of the work environment.

The weekend plans for here are...wait, I don't have any plans. I guess this means I will start the weekend with a few cups of coffee and some breakfast. When that is done I will enter the fast paced world of.."lets just wait and see what happens."

I do have a message for everyone out there in the mainstream...see you Monday.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.
He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !"

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.
"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.. On any land !
No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!"

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......
With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge, show him your BADGE........ !"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Saturday Morning Reflection #128

Good morning everyone...

Another Saturday and here we are...expecting a snow storm.I am looking forward to it.

Let's talk about last weekend. Jackie took me to Greenbo Lake and we stayed all night at the Lodge. The Paramount Arts theater group were presenting a play and there was a dinner buffet...What a fantastic evening.

The plans for this weekend are pretty simple...watch for the snowfall to begin. I think I need to plan a short trip for Jackie and I. The last one was great.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

Three Pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner.

One said, "Since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away."

Another said, "Me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the narthex attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away."

The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church. Haven't seen one back since."


Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Saturday Morning Reflection #127

Good morning everyone...

Did it really snow? Not even enough to shovel. This morning the house is somewhat quiet. The cats are sitting by the back glass looking at a bird on the back deck. I am sure if the bird would jump towards them they would flee in terror.

The coffee is very good this morning. Since it is very cold outside I appreciate the hot coffee (not that I've been outside). I am still unsure of today's plans, however the day is young...and so is Jackie (notice I didn't say anything about me?).

Here's a chuckle to start your day....

A young man finds the woman of his dreams and asks her to marry him. He tells his mother he wants her to meet his fiance, but he wants to make a bit of a game out of it. He says he'll bring the girl over with two other women and see if his mother can guess which is the one he wants to marry. His mother agrees to the game.

That night, he shows up at his mother's house with three beautiful young ladies. They all sit down on the couch, and everyone has a wonderful evening talking and getting to know each other.

At the end of the evening, the young man asks his mother, 'OK, Mom, which one is the woman I want to marry?'

Without any hesitation at all, his mother replies, 'The one in the middle.'

The young man is astounded. 'How in the world did you figure it out?'

'Easy,' she says. 'I don't like her.'
Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Saturday Morning Reflection #126

Good morning everyone,

Another Saturday has arrived. Jackie has been up before dawn and has already consumed almost a full pot of coffee. She is currently brewing another. If it were summer, I would give her a water hose and a sponge and put out a sign that said.."Hand car wash..$10.00" No more mortgage in just a few hours...:)

On a more serious note...Wait...it is Saturday and I am not going to be serious.

It is time to make my SUPERBOWL prediction...

NY GIANTS 21

NE PATRIOTS 14

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

On the last day of school before the Christmas break, the children brought gifts for their teacher.

The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a beautiful basket of assorted fruit.

The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.

The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a huge, pretty box of asst.candy.

Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.

"Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No" the boy replied.
She tasted another drop and asked "Champagne?"

"No" said the little boy............."It's a puppy!"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Saturday Morning Reflection #125

Good Morning Everyone,

Here it is...Saturday again.

All is well this morning. Cats playing and good coffee being placed in the correct coffee cups. Jackie has had so much caffeine that she is almost hyper.

Alex Cat was very demanding this morning. He demanded that we get up and feed him. Since he is a cat he doesn't realize we don't get up at 0500hrs on the weekend (usually).

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

A little rural town had one of the highest birth rates in the country and this phenomenon attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state university.

They wrote a grant proposal; got a huge chunk of money; moved to town; set up their computers; got squared away; and began designing their questionnaires and such.

While the staff was busy getting ready for their big research effort, the project director decided to go to the local drugstore for a cup of coffee. He sat down at the counter, ordered his coffee, and while he was drinking it, he told the druggist what his purpose was in town, then asked him if he had any idea why the birth rate was so high.

"Sure," said the druggist. "Every morning the six o'clock train comes through here and blows for the crossing. It wakes everybody up, and, well, it's too late to go back to sleep, and it's too early to get up."

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Saturday Morning Reflection #124

Good Morning Everyone...

Here it is...Saturday again. YEEHAW!!

I have heard that parts of our area are going to get ice and snow. I am hoping that the area where I am does not get any of that. I have been getting fliers, in the mail, about Walleye fishing. I am going to attempt to go up this year and get in a day of fishing. The Walleye levels in my freezer are very low. The last flyer I received said they are expecting 11 to 15 inch Perch this year. I don't know what the limits will be, but I wouldn't mind a freezer full of those.

There aren't any big plans for this weekend, but it is way better than work. I am sure that Jackie and I will find something to get into.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

A girl says to a salesman, "I'm not sure if I should buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker."

He says, "Well, that depends. Are you gonna sweat, or are you gonna break wind?"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Saturday Morning Reflection #123

Good morning everyone...

Can you believe there is snow on the ground? Damn, and I am not in hibernation. I should be.

The past week has been spent battling a cold/sinus infection. I seem to be on the mend. Thank Goodness.

Jackie and I have not made many plans for the weekend. I am sure that whatever we do will be better than work. Let me say this..the coffee and the company is good this morning. I am going for another cup.

Here's a chuckle to start your day....

Jock once attended a Temperance lecture given by Scotland's top medical man, a noted anti-drink campaigner.

The speaker began by placing a live, wriggling worm in a glass of whisky. After a moment or two it died and sank to the bottom.

The speaker said quietly to the audience, "Now my friends, what does this tell us?"

Jock piped up, "If you drink whisky you'll not be bothered by worms!"


Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Saturday Morning Reflection #122

Good morning everyone...

Here it is...Saturday again. I am so glad that I am not working today. A day off does a body good.

There isn't much to write about...the week has been slow and seems to have been filled with technical crap from work. Normally, I try to leave out the boring details.

THE MARSHALL UNIVERSITY BASKETBALL team is having a THUNDEROUS start to the season. I am very impressed. I believe the team will be contending for the C-USA Title.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

A group of bikers were riding when they saw a woman about to jump off The Tampa Bay Bridge,so they stopped. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he didn't want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity either,so he asked... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So she does... And it was a long, deep, lingering kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I've ever had!
That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why in the world would
you want to commit suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl........".

The authorities think she may have been pushed.

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills