Saturday, April 23, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #87

Good morning everyone,

Here it is Saturday again. Alex and Josie are just being the way cats are supposed to be. Life is flowing along just like it should, and I am looking forward to a VERY nice weekend.

I apologize for the hiatus last weekend. Many of you already know that I was AT THE BEACH (80's and SUNNY). It was a very good time. Jackie and I enjoyed it more than I can describe. Let me just say that the hotel door opened and you could see and hear the waves crashing onto the beach. We slept with the door open and the sound of the water to ease us into dreamland.

Not much news to report from here. Jackie did have a drink the other night. She ordered a bin laden (2 shots and a splash of water).

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. " I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday Morning Reflection #86

Good morning everyone,

Here it is...Saturday again. Lately, a few people have approached me and mentioned that they actually enjoy reading this and hope I keep writing it. I appreciate the feedback.

Last night it stormed. The lightning flashed and the thunder cracked. The rain poured down. I don't believe I will get any yardwork done today. I am pretty sure the best use of my time will be to sit inside this morning and drink coffee. Think of that.

This weeks major project is removal of the decorative pond from the front yard. Prior to the storms last night it was drained....

Here's a chuckle to start your day....

A couple was going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab, "Sorry I took so long," he says. "Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #85

Good morning everyone,

Another lovely saturday morning...wet and cool. My daughter is here for the weekend. Last night she told Jackie and I that we were running a home for "orphaned and wayward cats." The population of cats on the back porch seems to be increasing. I am not sure what needs to be done about it.

Alex Cat (inside cat) was involved in a cat fight a couple of days ago. He was at the sliding glass back door exchanging blows with a large black tom cat. The black tom finally gave up and left. Alex was so proud of himself and strutted around the house for hours. He checked the back porch often...just to make sure the intruder didn't return.

Here's a chuckle to start your day....

Theory of M&M Evolution

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species.

To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger,I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to: M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc. Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #84

Good morning everyone,

Yee Haw!!!! Good old saturday morning. I'm up. The coffee is hot. Jackie is hot. The cats are playing its saturday morning.

Almost everyone knows that jackie has been feeding some cats outside. She usually puts out just a little dry food. We always thought that the cats finished this. Last night, around midnight, Josie and Alex were attacking something thru the back glass. Normally, they don't pay much attention to the outside cats, so when I looked...a large oppossum was enjoying the last of the catfood. I sure do miss Jake Dog.

Perhaps, after vacations this year it will be time to have another puppy

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

A red neck walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The red neck is suitably impressed, and buys it.

The next day he brings it back and says, "This chainsaw is defective. It would only cut down one tree and it took all the gosh-darned day!"

The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what's wrong, and the red neck asks, "What's that noise?

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Saturday Morning Reflection #83

Good morning everyone,

Friday evening was comedy club night...It was interesting, and probably some of the better entertainment available in this 1 pony town (not sure this place qualifies for a horse).

I am tired of cold and snow. The date for the first fishing trip of spring is set. Hotel reservations are made. We will be heading out for Garden City, SC on ******. I can't post the date as I don't want my house robbed while I am gone, but I will let everyone know when we get back. I am sure there will be pics on facebbok.

Here's a chuckle to start your day...

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills