Saturday Morning Reflection #74

Good morning everyone,
Is it SUMMER yet?

What an interesting week it has been. I normally keep this blog short, so I suppose I will tell the exploding lettuce story...

One morning while getting ready for work, Jackie made salads for lunch. She was so kind as to place the garbage (cores and such) into the sink. I placed them down into the garbage disposal. While the disposal was running the water started to back up into the sink. I worked feverishly to fix the problem. I thought the "back up" was resolved. It was not. Jackie says that all she heard was the disposal start...followed by a loud...KAPOP...and..."FUCK!!!!"

Let me say the disposal worked just fine, but when it shot the waste down the line the waste encountered a blockage. This caused the waste to quickly back up (with explosive force)and shoot thru the other sink. There was lettuce across much of the kitchen and I required a change of clothes prior to going to work. I am thankful that I was not looking into the sink to assure myself that the problem was fixed. There were several phone calls for "lettuce head" at my office that day.

Here you go, Ginger...

Two Mexicans are on a bicycle about 15 miles outside of Lafayette, Louisiana

One of the bike's tires goes flat and they start hitching a lift back into
town. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help, and the Mexicans ask
him for a ride. He tells them he has no room in the trailer as he is
carrying 20,000 bowling balls. The Mexicans put it to the driver that if
they can manage to fit into the back with their bike, will he take them back

into town and he agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their bike
into the back and the driver shuts the doors and gets on his way. By this
time he is really late and so puts the hammer down and sure enough, a blond
cop pulls him over for speeding. The lady officer asks the driver what he is

carrying, to which the driver jokingly replies "Mexican eggs." The
Blond
Lady Cop obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look in the
trailer. She opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it. She gets

on her radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as
possible plus the Swat Team. The dispatcher asks what emergency she has
that require so many officers. "I've got a Tractor-Trailer stopped
with
20,000 Mexican eggs in it. Two have hatched and they've already managed to
steal a bicycle."


Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday Morning Reflection #73

Good morning everyone,

I want to start this off by saying...This past week at work I had one of the best cups of coffee I have had in a long time. Please refer to Saturday morning reflection #72 for the details. Also, let me say...

GO HERD

The past week was a full moon. You could tell because of all the crazies at work. I am hoping the next week straightens up some. I have talked with several people in the past week and it looks as if the talk is towards a fishing trip to Port Clinton (you know who you are). There was also a little discussion of some fishing in Lake Michigan. Jackie and I have also talked about going back to the beach and taking a trip out. Will summer ever get here?


Here you go, Ginger...

A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night.

The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred... "I'll die for you!"

The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, "How many times?"

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday Morning Reflection #72

Good morning everyone...

Here it is, Saturday again, and a long weekend (thank you Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr).

I will have to tell everyone, that for the first time in several years I have placed a bet on the upcoming Capitol classic. There is a mountainqueer fan at work that gave me Marshall and 8 points. I will enjoy my winnings (1 cup of starbucks coffee).

There are some upcoming dinner plans with some friends. The last time we went out was the "disaster at huntington prime." This one should turn out better. I am thinking saki and sushi, or perhaps the Dog Track for cheap steak night (Prime Rib or filet). Since Travis reads this I am sure he will let me know his thoughts on the matter.

Here you go, Ginger...

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise.
Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed.
The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.

"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath.

"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday Morning Reflection #71

Good morning everyone...

Once again it is saturday morning. Another weekend that will travel past much too quickly and force us all to return to "the grind." This morning I was reviewing my retirement plan and was surprised to discover that my anticipated retirement year was on the list. The government offers investments into something called "lifecycle" funds. The year I want to retire is the next one on the list. I suppose I should actually look into that.

Alex Cat and Josie Cat have settled down for the morning. There were cat races going on thru the house.I am still not sure how they determine the winner or...if there actually is one.

Since there is a bunch of snow on the ground I think I will just be lazy and hang out here. I hope everyone has a nice weekend.

Here you go, Ginger...

"Nice dog. What's its name?" I asked my friend's 10-year old son.

"Bob," he said.

"And what's your cat's name?"

"Bob."

"Well, how do you keep them straight?" I asked.

"Well, one is Bob Cat and the other is Bob Barker," the boy answered.

"Go ahead and tell him your rabbit's name," his father suggested.

The kid smiled and said... "Dennis Hopper."

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills

Saturday Morning Reflection #70

Good morning everyone...

Here it is New Years Day. I hope everyone had a wonderful night. I know that we did. The trip to Columbus was preceded by a trip to the craps table in Cross Lanes(I came out ahead). The hotel (Mariott) was just fine. The dining place (Ruth's Chris Steakhouse) met all expectations. The best part of all was the company. Enough said.

I hope everyone has a very HAPPY New Year and I look forward to writing this Blog for many years to come.

Here you go, Ginger...
My husband David's colleague at a package-processing center was trapped in a small rest room by a faulty lock. When he was finally discovered, David and another worker were able to open the door with some difficulty. The lock was still jammed, so they blocked the door open while a maintenance worker was called. A bit later, David noticed the door was closed again. He jiggled the doorknob and a voice from inside called, "Get me out!"

"Don't worry," David replied, "Maintenance should be sending somebody."

"They did," said the voice.

Well, until the next time...please remember that I have to pay the bills